|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 4, 2013 22:32:21 GMT -5
---------
[/size][/color] Parking the car, Rachael got out of it, and walked to the other side before pulling out her heavy box of clothes and mail. She had not planned to stay this long in La Push but between trying to help Jacob, and helping her Dad . . . . and . . . . and Paul--whom she was growing to have serious feelings for but didn't quite know where his came from--Rachael was ending up being here more then she planned.
"Anyone home?" She called out as she entered the kitchen, and dropped the box off on the table. She opened one of the cabinets and pulled out some Apple Jacks so she could get some food. Rachael was glad her Dad and brother were out as it gave her more time to her thoughts. She needed to make a choice about her future, and she was running out of time to make it. Go off into the world like dream, and see places--do things that she could only imagine. . . . . Or stay here and find out what this feeling was growing like wild fire between her and Paul. [/blockquote] ((Icons not of my own making. Credit goes to 'Leah' of MP.)) |
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 4, 2013 22:47:11 GMT -5
From the moment Rachael left La Push, Paul had been in a mood . . . well, more so than usual. He had imprinted on Rachael when she had come for a visit and while he knew she would be returning to her studies . . . nothing prepared him for that feeling of having her leave. He hadn't even been prepared for the feeling that took over his entire being when he imprinted! It filled him with the most indescribable feelings, and while Jake wasn't too happy about it -- not that Paul cared -- it was inevitable. It wasn't something that could control. If Paul could, then he wished it didn't feel like his heart was getting ripped out of his chest when he didn't see her for all that time. Time. Something he'd lost track of. He had spent most of the time in his wolf form, needing to blow off steam and try not to think about her absence, yet it seemed all he was able to think about.
He hadn't told Rachael about the whole 'wolf' thing yet. It was a bit early for that. Even though he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her . . . she was still in the back and forth stage. He needed to first convince her to stay here in La Push. Call it selfish of him, but he felt she belonged here . . . with him. Paul had been constantly asking Jake and Billy when she was returning and today was the day. He felt it, as soon as entered La Push, he could feel it. Not having to communicate his thoughts with the others, he quickly phased out of his wolf form, threw some pants on, ran home to change into something somewhat presentable, and then rushed over to Billy's. He knew that neither Jake nor his dad was home, so was rather looking forward to some alone time with Rachael.
He took a deep breath, not wanting it to seem like he had hurried over here -- even though he did. Regaining a calm composure, he knocked a few times on the door -- just as a heads up -- before going ahead and walking right in as he gave a further heads up. As soon as he lay his eyes on her, he felt his heart beating so fast in his chest, and this time, it wasn't from the running. It was a rush of emotion; everything he felt whenever he was near her. A smile broke out on his lips as he just stared at her in all her beauty and perfection. "Welcome back," he said, trying to control his emotions. He wasn't used to feeling any remotely close to this and wasn't sure he could bare the thought of being away from her again. So without wasting any more time, he hurried toward her, wrapping his arms around her in a hug as he lifted her off the ground and spun her around a little. Finally, he felt happy again.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 5, 2013 17:34:46 GMT -5
---------
[/size][/color] The sound of a knock and a door had her turning around to look and see . . . Paul! "Paul?!" She sounded surprised but pleased to see him, as he crossed the room to come give her a hug and spin her around. Laughing she reached her arms out to stead them--thinking surely he must be about to lose his balance--but he never seemed to. She inhaled slowly and pulled closer to his chest. He was always so warm, and it felt good.
The hello he had just given her should have been cheesy and fake. What guy really did these things? But some some reason it felt real. The way he looked at her was like he was always seeing her for the first time. Not Rebecca. Rachael. Herself. "I didn't see you when I drove in!" Rachael was assuming that she pasted him and that was how he knew she was in. What else could there have been? "Sort of glad you saw me."
[/blockquote] |
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 5, 2013 17:58:49 GMT -5
He couldn't stop smiling. The feeling of being near her again . . . made him wonder how he breathed without her. If Paul didn't feel so happy with her, he would have felt terrified that he was so emotionally dependant on a person. But there were no negative emotions when he was near her. Only peace, solace, joy, and so many other things that Paul didn't even bother trying to explain. He just embraced whatever it was that imprinting was . . . yet now he called it love. He didn't even think about the technicalities of how he had gotten here so fast, and obviously now wasn't the time to explain such things. "And I'm so beyond glad to see you," he said before leaning down to kiss her, an intimate embrace that he let reveal the strong feelings she stirred in him. He slowly pulled away but not far from her lips.
"I missed you so much," he stated before kissing her again. Even his pack brothers couldn't possibly understand how much. Those they had imprinted on were near them. He had to force himself to pull away from the kiss, as he just looked at her softly. He didn't want to ask how long she was staying -- afraid for the answer. He didn't want to ask how her classes were going -- afraid that she would say how much she loved them and what her plans were down the road. He didn't want to ask anything that would make her stay seem temporary. He never used to be this kind of guy . . . and yet now, with her, he couldn't imagine being anyone else.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 5, 2013 20:05:32 GMT -5
---------
[/size][/color] Paul had changed so much in the two years she was gone, because he never used to speak like this to any girl. THEY went to him. THEY clung to him. He never sought them out and never showed attachment. Now he was always seeking her out, and saying things that made him seem sweet and loveable. Not like Paul of two years ago.
She leaned forward to steal another short kiss, before pulling back and out of his arms. Biting her lip as she turned away, Rachael was still surprised she had the confidence to just kiss him like that. It was one thing to be kissed, but this was PAUL and she had never thought to feel that at ease around him that she would begin the kiss. Yet he always seemed to enjoy them, and it made her feel good rather then doubtful about kissing him. "Hungry? I was just going to have something easy but since you're here I could made sandwiches instead?"
[/blockquote] |
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 5, 2013 20:28:51 GMT -5
Even though she turned away, Paul's gaze remained locked on to her. If there was one thing that could distract him from eating, it was her. Food wasn't his number one priority -- shockingly. Rachael Lana Black was. He took a step toward her, this time wrapping his arms around her from behind, just wanting to take in that feeling of holding her after so long. "Sounds good," he said. Even if food wasn't always foremost on his mind when he was with her . . . that didn't mean he would turn down the offer for it. His never subsiding appetite was just one of the many things he would have to eventually explain to her, but not now. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy their time together. Lightly kissing her cheek, he let her go and leaned against the table so he could see her properly.
"How you been?" He asked, aware that they had stayed in touch, but also wanting to see if all was truly well with her. He was still avoiding the main question regarding the duration of her stay in La Push. Maybe he could convince her to move back here, permanently. Was she considering it? Paul once again, forced these thoughts out of his mind. He didn't want to say, do, or think anything that would make him upset. But as he was growing accustomed to realizing, she was his solace and with that, was little room for any negative feelings or thoughts.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 5, 2013 22:00:43 GMT -5
---------
♧ ♧
Paul was ALWAYS hungry! Where did all that food go? Jake too! All the boys in their little group ate like it was their last meal every time. Even Leah did. Still, she didn't move to start cooking right away. His question seemed causal, but at the same time like he wanted to know, and as if he wanted to ask more. She was learning--slowly--to read this new Paul like she knew the old Paul. Only this one was better then the other one.
"Good. I asked my professors for more time, so I've been switched to on-line classes until the end of the year." Which meant she could stay or go, or take them from anywhere. It gave her more time to help her Dad deal with Jake and for her to try to figure out this thing she had with Paul. She'd spent so much time running from her home, to be drawn back in should scare her but it didn't with Paul. "How have things been here?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 5, 2013 22:23:30 GMT -5
It was as if Rachael knew exactly what Paul needed to hear, but had been too afraid to ask. His smile grew and he felt a wave of relief consume him. She wasn't going to be rushing back anytime soon! He wanted to ask what happened at the end of the year, but instead, chose to bask in the joy of her staying. "Thats awesome!" He exclaimed, clearly excited by the idea of her having switched her classes around. The more time she spent here -- with him -- the better. And what would take whatever he could get right now, until he convinced her to fully move back to La Push. Which was something he still needed to figure out. This whole, being sentimental thing was new, and yet seemed so easy with her.
He also was aware of the fact that he more time she spent in La Push, the more she would wonder about . . . well, his long and sometimes sudden absences. He would have to tell her eventually. "Oh you know, same old," he answered nonchalantly. Which, was a bit of a lie but it was easier that than explaining about the blood sucking leeches that infested their state. "Its definitely better now," he said smiling at her, not trying to be subtle about the fact that her presence here made everything better. "Did I mention how much I missed you?" He asked, somewhat rhetorically since he knew he had already said the words, but couldn't say them enough. "And now, I got all the time to show you how much," he added unable to resist the urge to kiss her again as he moved closer to her. All the time . . . well, at least until the end of the year.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 14, 2013 20:03:23 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
Paul seemed pleased with her news and it was one of the reasons she found herself wanting to come back here more, and stay longer. Because it honestly pleased him when she did, and you could see it, feel it. Rachael loved it. It made her want to give more of herself to him in order to see that expression on his face more often. Paul had this way of being egotistical and sweet at the same time. He knew she liked him--or more then liked--and he seemed to do sweet things to please her. But he always looked proud of himself.
"No one is home." She told him, knowing she had just offered him food, and that he was always hungry, but also wondering if he would mind holding off for a bit. How did one ask their boyfriend if he wanted to make out on the couch? This information you ganged in high school and she hadn't had that sort of life. "If you rather wait to eat with everyone else we can." To hint more about what she wanted, Rachael reached for his hand and took a step back toward the living room.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 14, 2013 21:36:47 GMT -5
Paul continued to look at her, not wanting to take his eyes off of her for a second, as she revealed that no one was home. And that they could eat with everyone else. And -- OH! Oh hell yeah Paul could most certainly wait for food. If there was ever anything that he wanted more than food, it was her. Being with her in any way possible. He had missed her more than he was capable of expressing, and any way he could show it . . . made him hope that she wouldn't leave again. Despite how selfish he knew that was, he couldn't help it. He needed her. More than she knew. He smiled as she took his hand and when she did, he ended up pulling her toward him and lifting her up in his arms. It only took a few steps until he was at the couch where he lay her down and didn't bother wasting a single moment.
He hoped that she wasn't hinting toward a 'serious talk'. But if there was one thing Paul could pick up on, it was when it was time for a 'talk', and when it was time to not talk at all. He had a strong feeling that right now, she was implying the latter. And he wanted to take advantage. He leaned forward until his own lips touched her, kissing her deeply and passionately, positioning himself so that he was a bit more over her, while making sure he didn't crush her. With his size -- thanks to the wolf thing -- and how petite she was, he knew he had to be careful around her, and with her.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 14, 2013 21:59:36 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
Rachael had meant to pull him toward the couch but Paul was so much stronger then her that he didn't budge, and ended up pulling her toward him and just carrying her toward their destination. And, as always she felt his warmth seep under her skin. It was comforting to feel that heat that he always gave off, no matter the weather. It was one of the things she loved most about him, his temperature.
She felt herself move backwards, and she grasped at his arms to keep from him dropping her. When safely on the couch, Rachael let her arms slide around his neck, then one hand run through his hair. When Paul kissed her she often forgot that she was timid and hesitant. She only felt . . . loved. They had never spoken of what was between them, and really defined it, but she often wondered if this was what love felt like.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 14, 2013 22:11:59 GMT -5
Paul felt his entire body heating up from the intensity of what she made him feel. The overwhelming rush of emotions, the passion . . . everything. He was only ever truly happy in human form when he was with her. Otherwise, he couldn't stay this way. He couldn't find that serenity he needed that he only found in her. Which was why when she left, he felt as if his heart was ripped out of his chest. The thought only made him deepen the kiss even more, allowing his need for her to reveal itself through their intimate embrace. He moaned her name despite his lips being pressed against hers, not even aware he had done so.
She felt so incredible that he wished they could be like this, every moment of every day. Not necessarily with him on top of her, but more so in each others company. Unable to think clearly or rationally, he just let his emotions lead his actions. Pressing one hand against the couch to slightly brace himself up, his other hand trailed down next to her, and slipped under her shirt, where then he let it slide up her side, feeling her soft skin which only made him kiss her more fervently. It was no wonder Jake wanted to kill him.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 14, 2013 22:49:42 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
"Paul," She breathed through the kiss, and held onto him tighter. This was not the first time she had ended up sitting on the couch kissing him, but this was the first time she had ended on laying down, with him over her and . . . and felt proof of how felt about her against her hip. That was new, or at least feeling it was new to her. For them. Still she didn't stop him.
His hand moved down, then up under her shirt, and her own hand moved to rest over his, knowing she had no power in physically stopping him if he did not allow her. She wasn't sure she could go much past this without knowing where they stood, together. But she also knew she started this and feared he would get mad if she stopped it. When she said his name again there was more uncertainty in her tone, with the smallest hint of that same fear. And a question, "Paul?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 14, 2013 23:08:53 GMT -5
Hearing her say his name felt so wonderful especially after not having heard her voice in so long. It was perhaps what had fueled his actions now, making them more intense than ever before. Because he missed her. And because as they continued, he felt his need for her grow. But in the moment, it was becoming a more . . . physically intimate need rather than just an emotional one. Because despite being part wolf, he was human. And he loved her. And that was what made him need her in this way.
She said his name again and while he recognized the tone was different, he was far too caught in his emotions -- how she made him feel -- and the magnitude of them, as well as his desire for her, to fully comprehend the reluctance and questioning tone of her voice. Instead, his hand continued to move across her skin, skimming her stomach before gliding up her back to the fabric she wore under her shirt. His other hand went to the front fastening on her pants, and since she had spoken, he occupied his lips by kissing her along her neck. Yes. This felt perfect and everything else ceased to exist . . . including rational thought.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 14, 2013 23:22:45 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
He either didn't hear her or did not understand her because he not only kept going but started moving faster. His hands made her feel things--wonderful things and for another moment she caught up in the feelings he stirred but she also could not just let her mind go. Even if his lips on her neck made her want to hold him tighter to her. "Paul," She tired again, moving her hands to his shoulders, and gave a push, "Wait, please!"
Once he was pulled back and looking at her she tried to explain. "Too fast" She began, "I--I'm-I'm sorry." She had started this, and too soon was ending it too. "I just . . . " Wasn't ready to got here until things were more defined between them. "I don't even know were--" She couldn't get her thoughts out! Turning she pulled herself from under him and stood up, redoing her pants and then turning to stand here not quite looking at him in embarrassment. "I don't even know--We've never said--" BREATHE! She exhaled slowly to calm herself. "We should talk." Turning she looked at him, knowing she wasn't being clear, "We should talk a bit before we . . . " She gestured tot he couch, as if to say 'do that'.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 14, 2013 23:44:21 GMT -5
This time when she said his name, there were actions to go along with it. And not quite the actions he had anticipated. She pushed him off and told him to wait . . . and then said a few more disjointed words before moving out from under him . . . and undoing his work. Or, was it redoing it? No no, definitely undoing his actions of attempting to get her undressed. Feeling the abrupt loss of her made him pause, feeling frazzled for a second and . . . needing a moment for . . . other reasons. He took a deep breath, trying to gather himself once more and . . . trying to use his head rather than other parts of his body. When he felt somewhat together, he sat up properly on the couch and look at her, running his hand through his hair as he tried to keep up with her words. And that's when he heard the word: Talk. She wanted to talk now?! Wait . . . she wasn't breaking up with him was she?! No. She wouldn't do that. While he may have taken it further than she had intended, there was no way she would suggest making out and then tell him she was leaving him.
Absolutely not! That was when his mind was starting to process the other words she had said . . . too fast . . . an apology . . . something about not having said something . . . they were all a bit too fragmented for him to fully piece it together. "Alright," he said, sound calm, cool, and collected, even though he was internally freaking out and still aching in need for her. He patted the spot next to him. "Come sit. I'll behave, I promise," he said, with almost a cheeky grin. Though . . . he did mean it. In the sense that he wasn't going to force himself on her or overpower her and make her do something she wasn't ready to. "I just missed you Ray," he admitted to her, explaining why his actions today had been more intense than before. "I wouldn't miss you so much if you were here more." And that was as if to say that . . . he could be patient, he could wait for her to be ready . . . if she could be here with him. Rather than off in the city. And once again, he knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help himself.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 14, 2013 23:55:47 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
Rachael moved to sit next to him, but sideways so she was facing him rather then fully beside him. He told her that he had just missed her, and that he would not miss her if she came around more. Around more? "That is apart of it, Paul, I had not even planned to be here this long. I came home for a few days and . . . . and I thought to be back at school long before this." Instead she was taking time off to be here, and spending most of that with him rather then helping Jake like her plan had been. Not that she regretted it!
"I just . . . " How to say the hard things? "I need some things to be a bit more sure before I can go further physically." How long would be even be into her? What if he changed his mind? She had never planned on moving back to La Push. What if she decided she couldn't come back here? What then? What was between them. "We've never really talked about what this is." Between them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 0:07:47 GMT -5
She considered 'this' long? To him it felt so short. Far shorter than he would have liked. He wanted her to be here longer, he wanted to spend more time with her. If he could, he would move down to where her university was but thanks to the leeches he couldn't do that. He couldn't leave La Push. So he needed her to stay. Yet, this conversation was also touching on the physicality of their relationship and . . . defining it. Oh great. This was something that Paul was horrible at! He couldn't explain it without sounding like a freak since you couldn't exactly blurt out that he imprinted and because of that, they were soul mates. Using that word, imprinted, felt so impersonal. It wasn't like that. Paul knew how he felt about her . . . so how could he tell her so that she would understand? It was so much easier for him to show her.
"Why can't you just move back here?" He asked, knowing that earlier he had forced himself not to talk about that, but right now, he couldn't help it. "We can't be sure of anything if you gotta keep leaving for school." He wasn't trying to accuse her of anything . . . he just, needed her. And couldn't go through her leaving again. He just, couldn't. "I don't know what you want me to say," he added. She wanted to talk about their relationship, and he didn't know how to. He hoped that she would take the reigns of that and he could just agree with her. Because . . . what he felt for her was so deep, and consumed his entire being, that he couldn't use words to describe it. If he was bad at that before, well now it was downright impossible.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 0:47:30 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
"I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to be honest with me." Because she needed to know what he thought was between them. Taking a deep breath she looked down at her lap. "My mother died when I was younger, and I took on her role. Helped my Dad out, make sure Jake did his homework, helped Rebecca with her's. I cooked and took care of the house and while I love my family . . . . more then anything! I left because I felt like I was disappearing."
"So I left. Picked a school a ways a way and picked a degree to let me see the world with. La Push dose not hold any really wonderful memories for me . . . until recently." Until him, and them. "Then I come here for a visit and . . . and you'd changed."
"In high school I had the biggest crush on you.: She admitted for the first time to ANYONE, "I did. I thought you hung the moon." Most of the time at least. Sometimes he was less charming. "And now . . . It's like your still that same Paul but so much and it makes me want to stay. . . . but I also want to do everything I set out to do. It make this very hard for me. I feel pulled in two directions."
There! She said it all! Layed it all at his feet to do what he would with. "I just need to know how you feel. What you see this as, and . . . where you think it might go."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 1:07:47 GMT -5
Honest. Paul could do honest, right? Maybe not in the past but certainly with Rachael. Because . . . well, because he knew he wasn't going to be with anyone else but her. She went on to speak about her mother, about the responsibilities she took over after her mother died . . . and why she left La Push. To hear that she now had good memories bringing her back to La Push, filled Paul with hope that maybe he could convince her to leave here after all. If he was being honest like she wanted, well that the truth. He wanted her to be here with him, not off in some university where he couldn't see her or spend time with her. However when she said that she had a crush on him in high school he paused. He felt could feel a smirk and smug grin forming on his face and while it showed through a little, he had to quickly make it disappear. Because, this was supposed to be a serious conversation. He would have to tease her about that later.
He let her finish, let all her words sink in as he thought about them, really thought about them. She said she felt as if she was being pulled in two directions, and he only wanted her in one direction . . . his direction. Could he just say that so bluntly? Would she stay if he straight up asked her to? It was her last two questions that were difficult to answer because going back to how he felt right before . . . he had trouble vocalizing what he felt for her. They were loaded questions. He knew how he felt, he knew what he saw this ask and he knew where it was going. It was long term. He was going to be with her for the rest of his life. But how could he just say that? The answer was: he couldn't.
"You don't have to feel like you're being pulled in two directions. Just stay here." He paused, looking at her intently, wanting her to know that this was serious for him. "Stay here with me." He was most certainly serious about this. "I wanna be with you Ray. Just move back here and we don't have to worry about anything else." About her leaving, about being apart. It would just be the two of them, together. He wasn't sure if this was what she wanted to hear. She had told him so much, and he was trying to tell her enough because anything more . . . was either too hard to bring to words, or would be dangerously close to revealing the wolf thing. He continued to look at her, suddenly feeling desperate to convince her to stay. "Please," he said, pleading. Since when did he plead? Well, since he knew what it felt like without her.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 1:46:25 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
"You don't have to feel like you're being pulled in two directions. Just stay here." But she did, and she wondered if he could understand. Paul was a small town boy and loved it. He had friends here and a live he loved. He would live and die here. "Stay here with me." And while she wanted to spend time with him, she was afraid. "I wanna be with you Ray. Just move back here and we don't have to worry about anything else."
"Please,"That was new, and her surprised showed on her face. Paul never said please. "I don't know." She was being honest with him. "This happened so fast, and is still happening so quickly. What if it ends just the same?" She was afraid of losing him. "I just need some more time to think. I'm staying for now." That much she could give him. She was here to see where this went. "I just need time to think on the rest."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 12:51:39 GMT -5
Her answer was so far from what Paul wanted to hear. She didn't know. Which meant that there was no guarantee she would ever fully move back to La Push. She thought it was happening fast, and Paul knew why. He knew that had he not imprinted, had his feelings for her not been so strong, then none of this would be happening at all. But to him, it wasn't too fast. He didn't see her as much as he wanted to already, and she was unsure about where she wanted to be. "Come on Ray!" He said, springing up from the couch. He could feel the anger and frustration building in him. Not at her, never directed to her. But more . . . about the situation. None of the other guys had to deal with their woman being gone so they would never understand just how painful it was to not have her here.
He used all the strength within him to control his anger . . . because the last thing they needed was for him to phase right now. He began to pace a little, trying to calm himself down but wasn't doing a very good job."What do you need to think about?!" He asked, more rhetorically, trying to control his tone but knowing that was never his strong suit. He knew he sounded frustrated. "This whole thing . . . you leaving and comin' back for a couple weeks sucks! What am I supposed to do here without you?!" He knew he was being selfish and he didn't care. He didn't know how to tell her how he felt . . . so why couldn't it just be simple. Why couldn't she just stay here. He wanted her to pick him over school, and seeing the rest of the world . . . because she was his world.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 15:32:28 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
Rachael almost stood up when he did, but then his anger made her move back into the seat. It surprised her that he felt this sort of passion toward her staying when they were still just beginning. "I need to think because before this, you did not even look at me, and then suddenly I come back and everything happens so fast. What if it ends just as fast? Coming back here is a big decision for me."
"You make me want to stay, but I've been dreaming of my travels for years. I just need to think about everything for a while. I don't understand why this has to be made right now . . . . or why you are so mad at me." Because he was clearly angry! She was trying to be honest with him, and he was mad at her for what she was trying to say. "Please, Paul. Just give me some time to adjust. Everything is happening so quickly. I need to think so I don't do anything I will regret."
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 16:18:57 GMT -5
"I'm not mad!" He said defensively which . . . really only proved her point that he was. He wasn't mad at her, but he was mad. Mad about everything else. About the circumstances that kept them apart. "Things aren't gonna end. If you stay here, we're gonna be together." He knew that things weren't going to end, he wouldn't let them. Yet he wondered if she was now having doubts about being with him. It seemed like he was holding her back from doing whatever she dreamed of . . . but Paul wasn't selfless enough to let her go. He couldn't. It wasn't until she said that she didn't want to do anything she would regret. "Regret?" He repeated, making sure he heard her right.
"You think you're gonna regret being with me if you stay here?!" He needed to calm down. This wasn't helping anything, and he felt that familiar anger emerging . . . enough to make him turn. Which he shouldn't! The imprintee was supposed to calm him down, not make him phase! What the hell was happening here?! He couldn't even tell her to take all the time that she needed to think things through, because he wasn't patient. He didn't want to push her away yet he knew his bad temper could be his downfall. "I hate the thought of you leaving again," he added, explaining why he wanted her to decide. Because while she was here for a little while . . . it seemed that she would inevitabely be leaving and he wanted to change that. "We can be happy here Ray. You just gotta give us a chance." And by that, he meant she just had to stay.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 17:32:19 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
"Things aren't gonna end. If you stay here, we're gonna be together." That wasn't something he could be sure of! "How can you know that?" She asked, but he was in the middle of his anger fueled talking and she let him keep going. "Regret?" Perhaps that had not been the right word to use. "You think you're gonna regret being with me if you stay here?!" "No! . . . . . Just . . . . other things."
"I hate the thought of you leaving again," And it always got harder to leave him. "We can be happy here Ray. You just gotta give us a chance." Which she was. "Paul, I am taking time away from school to be here. For you. To see what this is between us. We've not been together long and for me that is a huge step. I am trying, but this town does not hold the best memories for me and I am very afraid that---" She looked at him for a moment and pushed to stand up calmly.
"I'm the same girl that I was in high school. I even wear some of the same jeans. Nothing has changed for me. I am still the girl who takes school too seriously, and likes to read. Back then you didn't even see me, and now when you look at me . . . It's like I'm the only one in the room." She felt the tears in her eyes, but they were not enough to spill down. Just be there to threaten her emotional state. "And this town scares me. I all but raised Jake. I gave up everything I was."
She was trying to make him understand, begging him with her eyes and her words to understand. "What is between us has happened out of no where, and so fast. I know how I feel, and sometimes I think I know how you feel too." Like now, she knew he was hurt because she wasn't giving him enough of herself. In that hurt he was angry. She could see that now.
"But what if it's not what I think, or what if it goes away. You can't really promise forever, Paul. No one can. Right now I have a chance to see the world, and I really want that. To meet people and do things . . . . but then I come here and suddenly everything is how I always dreamed it could be. The handsome guy, the girls no longer intimidating, no one looking for me to be the head of a household of four."
"And I like it. Like so much and that scares me, and I am asking you . . . Paul I am asking you not to get mad at me because I need some time to adjust and think about this. I'm sorry. I understand if it's not enough for you, but it's all I have right now." She felt some of the tears finally roll down her cheeks as she looked up at him, both pleading and expecting.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 18:17:17 GMT -5
Where Paul lacked in wording and phrasing things well . . . Rachael more than made up for it. She was telling him everything she thought, and felt. And yet all he could do was remain narrow minded and stubborn . . . in that he did not want her to leave. She was asking him how he could know that . . . he just did. In ways that were hard to explain. He knew that in his past, one would not think he could be completely serious and committed, but he was. Billy knew it. Jake knew it. The guys knew it. Hell, even Emily knew it. Part of him wished he could just blurt out the truth to Rachael so that she would fully understand too. It wasn't fair. He didn't have a proper explanation as to why his entire view of her had changed.
Because she was right, he hadn't noticed her before in the same way and now . . .she was the center of his universe. His everything. How could he explain that to her? He could think it and he certainly felt it . . . but he was struggling when it came to speaking it. It wasn't until he saw her tears that he felt himself slowly -- very slowly -- calming down. He hated seeing her cry! Knowing that he was the reason, yet not regretting what he said because he meant every word. "Don't cry," he said in a calmer voice. It wasn't a demand, but just an attempt to help ease her tears. He didn't know what to say. Earlier, he had promised himself not to talk about her leaving again and here he was . . . being all confrontational and spilling out his guts about not wanting her to leave.
"You gotta stop living in the past Rach," he began to say. In terms of the memories La Push held for her. In terms of how he may have previously felt about her -- which was nothing way back when. "I'm not in this short term. I'm in this for the long run." Meaning . . . he could promise her forever. He knew he would be with her for as long as he lived. But saying that could very well freak her out. "And if you are too, if you care about us, then you would stay, for good." He knew this may very well not be what she wanted to hear . . . he didn't know how else to say it because he had never been in this position before. He was terrified more than anything else. For her to travel the world and leave him here . . . what if she never returned. What if she decided she wanted to be and stay somewhere far away, further than the States.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 19:07:36 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
"Don't cry," She wished the words came with his arms wrapping around her, and holding her close. She could almost see him holding her, and whispering the words into her hair rather then this distance between them to show her just how far they'd come in just moments. "You gotta stop living in the past Rach," It was good advice, but she still wanted to be held by him.
"I'm not in this short term. I'm in this for the long run." How could he be so sure. Did he . . . did he love her? Did he understand what she had been saying after all? If he only said how he felt then maybe she could be more sure. "And if you are too," No. "if you care about us," Please don't. "then you would stay," An ultimatum. "for good." And it broke her heart.
Closing her eyes, she crossed her arms over her chest, and held them close, as if she was cold. He didn't understand. He only saw what he needed from her. She just stood there silently, not sure even what to say. Finally after a long stretch of silence, her face crumpled and more tears slipped down. She couldn't look at him. "I am going to go make something warm to drink." Because she couldn't keep pouring her heart out. Turning she begin to walk out of the room, and toward the kitchen.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 19:51:05 GMT -5
Paul watched Rachael walk away from him and in that moment, he knew he could no longer control it. She couldn't pick; she couldn't commit to being here. And that killed him. He knew he wasn't making it easier, but he couldn't help him! Nor could he control himself any longer. He turned, aggressively pushing a chair out of his way and stormed out of the house. He then ran into the woods where he didn't even have time to take his clothes off and phased. He just needed to blow off some steam, and so ran and ran through the woods. He could hear a couple others were on patrol and as they got a feel for what Paul was going through, one of them teased him about being mad when she wasn't here, and mad when she was. Under different circumstances, he could have taken the joke. But in this case, he ended up tackling his fellow pack member, requiring Sam to break them up. Paul spent most of his day in his wolf form, using the time to try and calm himself down and figure out what to say to her. This obviously wasn't it.
He was going to need to talk to her, but also knew he needed to keep a level head. And if he was more mature, an open mind. But he was too consumed with that familiarity of what it felt like when she left . . . and didn't think he would be able to survive it again. When it was night, he returned home, phasing back to his human form and quickly getting dressed. He was going to need more clothes at this rate, considering how many times he'd ripped his from phasing so much. He knew it was late, but didn't care. He wanted to -- needed to -- see her. He knew Jake was on patrol so didn't have to worry about him. He just had to worry about waking up Harry. Which wasn't enough to stop him. He made his way over to their house, pausing at the door. Taking a deep breath, he lightly knocked on it. This time, he needed to keep it together.
|
|
|
|
Post by ♧Rachael Black♧ on Dec 15, 2013 20:25:36 GMT -5
---------
♧♧
She heard a door, and Rachael paused in reaching for the heating pot, and walked back into the room, somehow already knowing what she would find. Nothing. "Paul?" She called out, knowing that if he'd gone then there was no way he could hear her. He'd just left.
She had gone over and just sat on the couch, and lost all track of time while she let herself think. It wasn't until Jake touched her shoulder that she broke out of her own thoughts. How had her baby brother moved so quietly? Or had she just been so lost in thoughts that she'd not hear him?
The rest of the passed in a bit of a blur. She felt tired emotionally, and ended up going for a walk so she could have some alone time. While she was returning she saw Jake walk into the woods, and she wondered if by leaving she was failing him too. Her Dad told her Jake was sleeping, which meant he was covering for him.
Sometime later she heard a knock at the door, and she went to answer it. Seeing Paul she felt both surprise, pleasure and worry. Was he still mad at her? "Hello." She said softly, while looking up at him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Paul Lahote on Dec 15, 2013 20:45:51 GMT -5
Paul looked at her when she answered the door. "Hey," he replied, knowing that things were awkward right now. And hated that they were. He had tried to think of what he could say to her to make everything better and even now, no words came to mind. Should he apologize? Should he say that they should just forget about it? Rachael wasn't like other girls. She was special, to say the least. And Paul didn't want to upset her again. But even with that thought in mind, words failed him as he just stood there, looking at her. "Can we talk?" There! That was a good start right? Talk was the operative word but he had no idea what to say. He had bought himself a few more moments so he had better think of something.
Maybe if he got lucky, she could do the talking. Then again, she had done it before and he'd just thrown out bitter remarks. He knew he was unreasonable because he just couldn't find another possibility other than her staying here. He didn't want to hurt her though. No. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do. So why couldn't he just tell her how he felt?! Why couldn't the words come so easy when he felt them so strongly. It was times like these that he wished he was a more sentimental kinda guy . . . ok, well maybe that was pushing it a little. Either way, he had asked her a question and whether she agreed, stepped outside with him, asked him to come in, whatever . . . he needed to think about how to phrase things.
|
|
♧
♧
