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Post by Jasper Hale on Jan 26, 2010 10:46:17 GMT -5
 Jasper had felt hopeless and lost. Confused. Terrified. He had known Alice long enough to know when she was lying. She seldom, if ever, lied to him and so when she had called . . . he could sense the distress in her voice, though she tried to hide it. He knew for a fact that she had lied to . . . what? Protect him? How was he supposed to protect her? He should have taken the next flight out and gone with her . . . walked into danger with her. If something happened to her . . . he would never forgive himself. He would not want to live with himself.
But instead of carrying out what he most desperately wanted to do, he stayed. He stayed because it was what Alice wanted. If she had somehow foreseen his death, then he did not want to put her through the pain of losing him. But why could she not have just said that on phone? Why did she feel she had to lie to him? He wished she would have permitted him to come. He wished they could go together, because if something happened . . . then at least they would die together or better yet, he could save her. He could protect her. Alice was so fragile . . . she was so small. And yet, Jasper had remained, waiting for some kind of news. Why couldn't she have asked him to come. Why did she have to lie to him. Why could he not betray her by going against her wishes. He had to believe that she would come back to him, because the thought of losing her was absolutely unbearable.
Jasper was sitting in Alice's room . . . well, what was often described as her room since his room was more known as his study. He could smell her scent, and his silent heart ached for it. It had been some time, and they had called to inform the family of their safety. Jasper had not moved from this position. He heard the news, and continued to sit on the end of the bed in her room. Now, he was just waiting for her, conflicted with different emotions. The most dominant was relief of course, but there were so many others that he could not simply ignore.
--- Tag Alice --- |
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Post by Alice Cullen on Jan 26, 2010 22:13:21 GMT -5
 Heading back home was probably the hardest part. The flight was too long and yet she had managed to keep a cool appearence on the exterior. Now, she was well aware that her brother, Edward, knew what was going on in her head and she didn't care to change her thoughts. They consummed her thoughts. Naturally, she was thinking of Jasper, but she was really trying to see what his reaction would be when she got back. The future seemed to want to torture her by giving her nothing in return for her hard consentration inspite her roaming thoughts and worries. She was very concerned about how her husband would react when she got home... She didn't even know what she would do when she saw him. Her visions made the flight unbarable.
Just when she believed that the flight was long, the drive home from the airport was murder. From the moment she had gotten off the aircraft, she was much too egar to see Jasper. Altough Edward was driving at the Cullens' regularly ridiculous speeds, it still wasn't fast enough. Alice did not care about what Edward thought about her thoughts, she needed to see Jasper... When she was just about ready to get out of the car and start running home herself, the car stopped infront of the drive. Alice got out -- Edward was going to bring Bella back home -- and wasted no time. Walking into the house, she found the others. She was very happy to see them, but they really understood that she needed to go see Jasper. Clearing the stairs, she headed down the hallway until she reached her room. It was the only room in the entire estate where his scent was the strongest. Opening the door delicately, Alice saw him, making her feel a little more releaved but a whole other wave of emotions took it's place. She didn't like this... He looked... misserable. Alice watched him, even as she closed the door behind her -- no one needed to see what emotional train wreck that might be coming, if they passed by. For a split second, she lingered by the door, entirely unsure what to say. By the next, she ran to him at a vampiric speed and threw her arms around the back if his neck. She hugged him tightly, not so much as to actually hurt him, and burried her face into his shoulder, never wanting to let him go ever again. Inhaling his scent, she felt a little more at ease; it was the smell of home, she could only feel truely at home if he was there. "I am so sorry," She whispered every word very clearly, pronouncing them with great care. Alice pulled back, no matter how much she didn't have to, and stood infront of him, looking down at the floor and holding her arm. "You have every right to hate me... to be mad at me." Jasper had never once been mad at her, nor had he hated her, but she had never lied to him before. Did he feel betrayed? Tricked? What did he feel, period.
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jan 27, 2010 10:38:37 GMT -5
When Jasper smelled her strong scent, and heard her come in, he slowly stood up and looked at her. He did not know what to do, and thankfully, he would not have to be the one to decide for she quickly came to him and hugged him. He returned the gesture by wrapping his arms around her, trying not to express as much relief in cause it might hurt her. That was his primary emotion right now: relief. All he had wanted was to hold her in his arms again, and make sure she was safe. He had longed for this moment, and yet it was bittersweet because he could not ignore all the other things he was feeling, no matter how much he wanted to. He could not put on a charade and pretend like everything was alright.
When she pulled away and apologized, Jasper did not know what to say. He could feel all of her overwhelming emotions, and he was faced with the same predicament. He too averted his gaze to the ground as they were close, but apart enough so that the could see each others faces. Alice was safe. That is all he should be thinking about right now. But . . . she was not safe because of him. If she had been in any danger, it was because he let her walk right into it. If something had happened to her . . . it would have been his fault and he knew, that he would never be able to live with himself. "I could never hate you." He needed to make that much clear. He loved her, no matter what. But could he say he agreed with her decision, and approved of her actions? No. He could not. In fact, he was completely at a loss of words. What could he say? How should he say it? Jasper needed time to gather his thoughts. But it was awkward enough, for neither of them could even look at each other right now.
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Post by Alice Cullen on Jan 27, 2010 22:32:36 GMT -5
She sighed. It was partly because she was releaved he did not hate her even when he had every right to. But also because she knew there was more to this and she hadn't expected anything else. But why didn't he hate her? Not that she wanted him to, but she gave him so many reasons to... Alice looked up to find his gaze was turned away. A short moment of silence passed. She couldn't stand there anymore. She closed the gap between them and rested her head against his chest along with her hand. Alice felt a bit better like this. When she was in Volterra she had feared so much that she would never be able to see, hold, be held nor speak to her husband again... She never wanted to let go of him again, but this was good enough. Alice waited in silence again before she spoke. "But you're mad at me." It was not a question. She knew it. He wasn't like this normally. If he didn't hate her, he had to be mad or upset with her. Inspite the fact that he was possible mad at her, Alice didn't want to move. Not yet.
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jan 27, 2010 22:54:29 GMT -5
Jasper could not deny that feeling her so close to him was reassuring and soothing. He had seldom been apart from her from the moment they met, and so it was excruciating when she had left, even for a short while. The circumstances under which she left, and the potentially dangerous . . . no, the legitimately dangerous situation she was faced with, made the separation between them all the more painful for Jasper to endure. He still could not make eye contact with her, and now because of their position, it made it nearly impossible, which suited Jasper for he was already ashamed for not being able to look at his wife . . . and she knew it, for her next comment was yet something else which he could not deny.
Jasper knew he had to speak . . . he had to say something . . . anything. He could not stand in silence like this. Alice was the one he felt most comfortable around; the one who he could speak freely in the presence of. And now, he was speechless. "I . . . could not protect you." That one phrase was filled with so many emotions: disappointment, frustration, devastation, fear, hurt . . . Jasper hated this. The worst part was that when it came down to it, he blamed himself for allowing Alice to go on her own . . . he should have been there. He should have ignored what she told him, and he should have gone.
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Post by Alice Cullen on Jan 27, 2010 23:25:37 GMT -5
Alice shut her eyes, closing them tighly as she tried to fight the crying -- to what extent a vampire could cry. Last time she had sobbed, a few months ago, it greatly pained Jasper and right now he most certainly did not need anymore of that. However, this was going to be hard. She wanted to say it and get it done with... But she couldn't do it. How could she tell him that if he had come along he wouldn't have come back? The very thought was a thorn in heart. Her visions had shown no chance of Jasper coming back to Forks but there was a greater chance that she would come back to him.
"It wouldn't have helped..." She pushed out all the air in her body as she said those words. "They would have... gotten past you or just..." She sighed heavily again. Alice paused, fighting the catch in her throat that would start her sobbing, with heavy breaths. She tried to take a different approach but when she opened her mouth to speak it just ended upclosing again. Again, silence fell between them and it was dreadful. "Please tell me." Alice whispered. She wanted to hear him say he was angry with her, that he was... she wanted to know what he was feeling and mainly if he was mad.
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jan 28, 2010 8:38:50 GMT -5
Jasper hated being the reason she was this upset. He could see it. He could feel it. Even without his gift, he knew Alice well enough to know how truly upset she was, and he was not helping at all . . . in fact, he was making it worse. He listened to her explain her reasoning to disagree . . . or justify her reason for leaving rather. Jasper felt all the emotions once again; how he felt when he heard her voice on the phone, how it felt to not be sure if she was going to come home to him. She was here though . . . but would it happen again that she would leave like that? Jasper could not even bear the thought of that happening.
"You walked right in to danger, and I could do nothing." Feelings of helplessness was one of the many emotions that had dominated him, even now. "I would have rather died a million deaths, than possibly live a life without you." Jasper would not have cared how morbid or painful the death. He would have much rather ended his immortal life protecting Alice -- or trying too -- rather than wait for the news that she had not survived. Relief. He was not going to push that feeling aside. He felt utter relief.
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Post by Alice Cullen on Jan 28, 2010 22:19:03 GMT -5
As Jasper spoke in defragmented sentences, Alice started to get a perspective of how he felt and had felt. Fearful, helpless... "I really wish would could have been there," She had really needed him, she was so terrified. Before she could go in with the hard part, he spoke again. His words were not helping. Alice waited a minute, trying to calm herself a little. "Though you're still here, I've... seen you... die," The word burned at her soul and ate away at her strength. She lightly felt her breaths get caught in her throat, but not enough for her to be sobbing. "All those times..." Vision after vision of Jasper dying. Each with it's own unique, tormented method. Alice cringed and turned her face into his chest as they came back as horrible nightmares at would forever remain memories in her mind. "The are things you can't unsee..." Out of everything she had ever seen, there was nothing else that she wanted to be erased from her mind than this -- not even visions of Emmett and Rosalie deciding to 'get busy' -- nothing compared to the horrifying images in her mind.
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Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 1, 2010 11:13:37 GMT -5
Jasper could not imagine having to witness Alice's death . . . repeatedly. He put his arms around her, unable to express any anger with her decision when she was this upset. He was not angry . . . not when he saw her in this much pain. The fact was that he was able to see her, that she was alive, that she was here. "I wish you never had to endure that." There was nothing he could do; he knew that. Everyones power was both a gift and a curse. Alice could not control what she saw, and though some of it was good, the visions that were bad . . . were terrible. He wanted to calm her down before anything else. He did not even consider using his own ability on her, for he wanted to genuinely reassure her rather than provide her with false calmness.
"We are both here. The worst is over." Or he at least hoped it was. He kissed the top of her head before tilting it and resting his cheek on top of it. "You will never again have to go through something like that alone." Next time, Jasper was going to trust his instincts and follow her, no matter how much she did not want him to. He would do a better job at protecting her for in this instance, he had failed miserably.
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Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 1, 2010 22:42:56 GMT -5
No matter how much she tried to focus on other things, the terrible visions of Jasper getting killed ran through her head like an endless film strip. It was unfathomable... all the various ways... Why did her mind want to punish her?! What kept her from crying was knowing he was right there, now holding her closely. He was there, he was alive, he was well and in one whole solid piece. The comfort of his arms always seemed to make her feel better; she felt more releaved already. Though the memories of the visions still lingered she found more relief in his embrase. Although Jasper whiched she would never have experience anything like that again, Alice couldn't help but think to herself that she was going to be reliving it for a long time. Also, Jasper could not control her preminisions -- even if that would be extremely useful and much less painful -- these kinds of visions could come back again if they ever came to face danger again.
Alice nodded. They were both here, safe and sound. That's what mattered. She felt his lips press themselves against the top of her head and it make her a little more... in a way happy, but calmer was the right word. She turned her head, unburrying it from his chest, and rested her cheek against it again before she felt his own rest upon her head. Alice really felt safe now, even more so than before. Jasper made her feel protected -- in the way she needed right now -- as if everything had been but a bad dream and none of it had actually happened.
Alice didn't want to start with what Jasper said next. If ever there was an other time like such, there was absolutely no way she was going to let him come. Her visions showed he had no chances of making it out a live, but they had at least shown her she had chances of leaving in one peice. They choise was clear there. She never wanted him to try and test the future... He was her happiness and she never wanted it to die. "I promise, I will never lie to you again," Alice really ment it and really wanted him to know it. She felt bad about lying to him and it wasn't something she was willing to go through again.
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Post by Jasper Hale on Mar 20, 2010 11:27:26 GMT -5
Jasper could feel her pain, assuming that it was her reaction to the visions she had witnessed. He was helpless to erase those visions, and thus emotions, from her. He did not want her to feel this way. She was his Alice. The one who was always happy, always optimistic, always energetic, and always the one who made him feel better. And now . . . he was the source of her pain, whether he meant to be or not. And yet, the thought of her trying to protect him, and dying in the process, was an image -- though not so vivid and graphic -- that Jasper had in his mind, and a fear that he had in his stationary heart.
And then she spoke a reminder of what had hurt the most about this entire thing. The fact that she had lied. He knew why, he probably would have done the same if he was in her position . . . and yet, he did not know why he let her go so easily. Even if they could not read each others minds, they knew each other well enough to know when the other was not telling the truth. Why had he just stayed here? He should have done something. He should have gone with her. How could he have endured the guilt if something had happened to her? "Please, never lie to protect me." It was something that he knew while saying it was a promise he could never make to her, so why did he think that she would make it to him? He was not sure. And yet, he did not want to take those words back.
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Post by Alice Cullen on Mar 20, 2010 23:02:42 GMT -5
She could almost feel the pain quiver through his body as she felt pain. The vicious cycle. She wanted to stop it but she couldn't delete the thoughts from her mind, even if she so very much wished she could. "I'll never lie to you," Each word was pronounced properly and clearly with her little voice. One of her hands slid up to caress his neck in it's odd position while his cheek rested upon her head. "Not again." Alice promised in a final tone. If lying was going to cause this everytime, she didn't want it. The pain was wrong. Jasper had suffered enough in his life, she had no right to make him suffer again. Giving a light sigh, Alice moved her hand from his neck and moved it to the side of his face. Gently, she moved her head from under his cheek as she straited his face with her hand delicately. She pressed her forehead against his for a moment, her sorry, dark chocolate eyes looking to meet his eyes for once since she got back. She missed them, his forever deep eyes. Wether they'd be sorrowful or angry, she wanted to see them. They would let her see her husband.
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